So here's the thing I have spent roughly the last decade of my life thinking about writing a journal or a blog or something to get my emotions out of my head and for whatever reason I decided that today was the day...why you ask? I wish I knew... I guess I was just a little less lazy today than all the other days. My biggest goal in writing this will be to make fun of myself as much as possible...let’s have at it.
So today seems as good a day as any to write a blog. I understand that the people who are the funniest are the ones that are self deprecating everyone wants to toot their own horn (just like in the remix to ignition by R.Kelly) but it’s a lot harder to tell the world how your horn is really just subpar and that isn’t not that good at the one thing that it was meant to do in this world...which is toot. And the area that my horn is definitely lacking the most tooting abilities is relationships (I am not 100 percent certain that even made sense, but then again I am not even certain that anyone will read this so I don’t think it matters...this is way more fun than writing papers in college btw).
I am certainly not qualified to give relationship advice but that doesn’t mean I don’t, I do probably every day.... 5 times a day... maybe more. I bet I give relationship advice more often than I drink glasses of water in a day and that is just downright unhealthy....but I never and I mean NEVER take my own advice and I am coming to realize that this too is probably unhealthy. Since I have decided that 2012 is the Year of Mary...I should probably start working on these things.
So I am driving to work today and I am thinking to myself how did I get to this place?? 28 years old....single...happy...content with my life for the most part and being such a GIRL, thinking about all the whiny things that girls think about like growing older and boys (yeah I still plan on referring to men as boys) and whitening my teeth--that kind of stuff. And I realized that all the old ideas that I clung on to for so long-- like wanting to be a wife and a mother are gone...just like that-- like a dream you knew you liked but just can’t seem to remember. And now that I am in the age group that I will just go ahead and call "almost 30" (because let’s be honest 28 means nothing, all people think when you say you are 28 is that you are almost 30-- an age group that I am pretty certain you can stay at until at least 32 and in reality has the best company in it even though you don’t agree when you are say...23) I want to take a minute and talk about the woman that rarely gets any credit and upon some real self reflection during my 1.5 hour commute this morning I have come to find is my relationship identity. And that woman is the supporting character...second place....the under study, call it what you want--she isn’t number 1 and I am ok with this for the most part and I actually think I am happy being her...but the jury is still out.
Remember in the movie The Notebook when Noah is all depressed for all those years and meets that nice widow who seems pretty enough and is nice to hang out with?? You know the one he is banging when Ali, the true love of his life, rolls back into town. You remember don’t you?? But you forgot about her until now- I am that girl, a supporting character in the real love story. I realized when I played through in my mind all the lead actors of my love life, upon further thought I might not even make it into the movie of their life (I am talking to you Brian Johnson, my number one crush for grades 7-9...I bet I wouldn’t even be a character in the story of his life that was set in 1998!). This is how I really knew I was in the supporting cast-- and not even the "I still got nominated for an Oscar" Supporting cast, more the "Woman at Bar" on the credits type of supporting character. I am the filler girl, the in between, the one that leads you to who you are really meant to be with- which is of course the Starring Role--the Angeline Jolie of your life...I am not even Jen Aniston, I think I might not even be Juliette Lewis which is pretty devastating actually. And I am not sure why, maybe its because I am too nice, or don’t try hard enough, maybe I was just not meant to be a star, I think if I was really meant to be anything it would be the cute best friend but that is another blog for another day.
The supporting character can never, even if she tries her hardest compete with the star. The notebook is in like my top 5 favorite movies by the way and I have no clue what this characters name even is. After 3 Google searches I couldn’t even find a picture of her (which is when I gave up because it was 2 Google searches more than I would normally ever do). But I still think she is a pretty important part of the movie and I like to think she is sort of a bad ass (I might be stretching a little on this, but it is helping me sleep at night). She is the one that listens to him cry about having his heart broke, the one that vows never to do the same, the person that can show him that all women aren’t bad...but it doesn’t matter- all her efforts are lost as soon as the star comes back into the scene.
Now don’t get me wrong I like to think that one day I will be someone’s starring role, but I am not sure I even want to be. One of my new favorite shows Girls on HBO (watch it if you haven't yet!) put it best. The main character Hannah explains to Adam the guy she is sort of "dating" at the time what she wants from the relationship with this timeless quote--
"I don’t even want a boyfriend. I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, and thinks I’m the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me"
And there it is...exactly what I want.
But here’s the sticky part- the starring role-- she would never say this, she would demand what she deserved, and make him pick her up and open her door and pay the bill and blah blah blah...us supporting characters are willing to put up with so much less...hence our name will never be in lights.
But then I remembered a supporting character that is totally getting the last laugh....Lauren Conrad of Laguna Beach and the Hills fame....wow! I almost forgot she started off as a supporting role. This was brought to my attention by my sister (and serial relationship-advice seeker) who sent me a blog about the Lauren, Kristen, Stephen love triangle (weird and very 2005... I know!). If you didn’t watch Laguna Beach then we probably aren’t friends so I know anyone who is reading this will get the reference. Long story short, Kristen and Lauren both loved Stephen... he always played Lauren and went running back to Kristen because she was a starring role. And when Kristen was a big slut and treated him bad who did he go crying to??? Lauren (been there, done that!) Lauren was sweet to Stephen and clearly more sane and normal than Kristen but it didn’t matter Lauren was a supporting role in that story and she was never going to change that.
Ok now fast forward like 10 years or maybe 6...hell I have no idea when that show was on...but who is getting the last laugh now??? Lauren- she is super classy, on covers of magazines all the time, I love her clothing line for Kohl’s, she left the Hills and it went to hell, she has all kinds of awesome pins on pinterest on how to braid your hair and other stuff, she is basically just famous for being cute and she is rocking it. I also read in US weekly that she dumped her boyfriend because he wouldn’t commit, get it Lauren!! Where is Kristen you ask, the starring role??? Who the hell knows I am pretty sure Jay Cutler got her pregnant (is he even still in the NFL???) and her life has to be a yawn compared to Laurens.
So there it is, there is hope for us still after all. And if it means that I might be walked all over by men in the process but get to hold my head high at the end of the day- then I guess I am ok with that.
Anyways as far as first blogs go I think this one may have taken a turn for the crazy...You know what though?? that’s how I roll...For now I am the star of my own life and I am ok with the fact that I don’t have a leading man yet. Let’s be honest...they are kind of a pain and as far as I am concerned I am ok with being a Lauren Conrad of this story- sometimes it works out for us supporting characters and we end up being super rich and awesome.
Until next time which let’s be honest could be hours or years... remember to Eat, Drink and Be Mary.
editors note- I don't know how to make the background of this not yellow, I hope to laugh about it one day when I look back on my first blog.
